Sometimes, I like to dip into the farthest recesses of the affectionally named “Auxiliary Storage Area #3″, which is where the darkest recesses of my 7″ record collection is stored. It’s a place where shame can sometimes live, along with records I bought decades ago, played once, then ‘filed’ away, never to see the light of day. Until….
The rare days when I can find a couple of lone hours to pick handfuls out at random, crank up the turntable and go “what the hell was I thinking”. Yesterday, was one of those days. And here’s the playlist;
Carlene Carter - Never Together But Close Sometimes (boring soft, country rock) Beach Boys - I’m OK (from their really dull years, the single is so rubbish, it never even made the 3CD singles collection) Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes - Don’t Leave Me This Way (a classic! Not sure why it was in the junkhole, but it’s reclaimed now - listen here) Ambrosia - Nice, Nice Very Nice (I always liked this, a bit weird, a bit west coast with a hint of prog - download here) Sarah Dash - Sinner Man (identikit late seventies disco soul - dull) Pure Prairie League - Still Right Here In My Heart (from the pop years, but it’s PPL, so that’s alright) Firehouse - Don’t Treat Me Bad (yay! glam metal from big girls blouses - listen here) Joyce Cobb - Dig The Gold (see Sarah Dash) Sam Brown - Mindworks (daughter of Joe, pal of Jools Holland, rubbish single) Buddy Miles - Them Changes (Hendrix drummer in one good record shock - here’s the live version from the album he did with Carlos Santana) Elvin Bishop - I Love The Life I Lead (hurrah! Elvins southern blues rock rules) Teri DeSario - Yes, I’m Ready (barely noticeable on a duet with KC of & The Sunshine Band fame, but knowing my fixation with Pat Benatar, look at the sleeve, and guess why I bought it - listen here) REO Speedwagon - In Your Letter (a Japanese single which relegates Keep On Loving You to the B-side) Sammy Hagar - Baby’s On Fire (”straight home from skool, she starts to get undressed. She’s on fire” - cheers Sam) Rick Cunha - Best Friends (beyond limp wristed, west coast ‘rock’) Jon Butcher - Goodbye Saving Grace (was supposed to be Next Big AOR Thing. Shame he arrived too late and in wrong colour) Marty Balin - Hearts (god, I hate this, Jefferson Airplane / Starship mans nadir) Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Too Good To Be True (from his Jeff Lynne period - already smashed) Cass Elliott - Baby I’m Yours (fat lass sings dull song, dies) Tigertailz - Livin’ Without You (yay! dodgy Welsh glamsters in horrific poster sleeve shock find - listen here) Jagged Edge - You Don’t Love Me (see Jon Butcher but replace black with British - saw them tour with Vixen once. God, I’m old) Texas - Thrill Has Gone (from their lesser remembered not utter crap period)
An interesting couple of hours I will repeat sooner, rather than later. Out.
“Remember Tomorrow” - and how the heckin’ heck am I supposed to do that. Mind you, I’m, reading a book about Nicolai Tesla at the moment, and someone is trying to perfect a time machine, so who knows.
Anyway, back to the point. Which was? Oh, yes. Well, kiddies, once upon a time back in the dim and distant past, a metal band emerged from the East End of Lahdahn Town, who were actually a bit good.
Iron Maiden, for it is they, were formed on Christmas Day 1975, by bassist Arry ‘Arry’ Arris. Their original vocalist was a bloke called Paul Day, but he seems to have been a bit pants. He was replaced by Dennis Wilcock, a Kiss fan who kewly used fire, make-up and fake blood during live performances. The only good thing for Maiden about Wilcock was his mate, Dave ‘Dave’ Murray, who was invited to join, only to be fired shortly thereafter.
They seem to have been really rubbish in their early days, culminating in a gig at the Bridgehouse in November 1977, with a line-up of Tony Moore on keyboards, Terry Wapram on guitar, and drummer Barry Purkis which resulted in Arris firing the entire band. Dave ‘Dave’ Murray was reinstated and Doug Sampson was hired as drummer.
However, things took a turn for the better when they bumped into a luverly cockernee barra boy dahn the Red Lion in Leytonstone. That luverly cockernee barra boy was vocalist Paul Di’Anno, of whom Arris stated, “There’s sort of a quality in Paul’s voice, a raspiness in his voice, or whatever you want to call it, that just gave it this great edge”. Of course that was then.
But let’s have a wee listen to the Maiden on their classic debut album - here’s ‘Remember Tomorrow‘. A world of Top Of The Pops beckoned, and the follow up “Killers” was another classic.
But Arris had tired of the Metal, and decided that he wanted to form an Emerson, Lake & Palmer tribute band. Smitten by a moustache wearing midget called Bruce Bruce, who shared a similar fixation for podgy men and Persian carpets. The days of Di’Anno were numbered, with Bruce hired behind his back. Let’s listen to the midget in one of his earlier bands - Zero.
Iron Maiden went on to become utter shite, and global superstars, filling arenas with their widdlesome, prog nonsense and bad trousers.
But “The Beast” Di’Anno was determined to fight back. However, the evil Arris had placed a midget curse on the man born Paul Andrews, and “The Beast” was doomed to a perilous, Jonathan King related existence in bands and projects such as;
Di’Anno (1983–1985) / Gogmagog (1985) / Paul Di’Anno’s Battlezone (1986–1989) / Praying Mantis (1990) / Killers a.k.a. Paul Di’Anno’s Killers a.k.a. Paul Di’ Anno & Killers (1990–1997) / The Original Iron Men (1995–1996) / Paul Di’Anno (1997) / Paul Di’Anno’s Battlezone (1997–1998 ) / The Almighty Inbredz (1999) / Paul Di’Anno (1999–2000) / Di’ Anno (2000) / Paul Di’Anno’s Killers a.k.a. Paul Di’ Anno & Killers (2001–2003) / Paul Di’Anno (2003–2005) / Paul Di’ Anno & The Phantoms of the Opera (2005–present)
However, he was not one to live of his Iron Maiden reputation, so let’s listen to “The Beast” in his Killers days - here’s ‘Remember Tomorrow‘.
Having had his Maiden stolen from him by a gypsy peg seller called Rod Smallwood, “The Beast” was reduced to writing a book called “The Beast” in which claimed to have invented the Wagonwheel biscuit, met the Prophet Mohammed and borne the lovechild of Linda Lusardi.*
* I haven’t read it, so none or all of this may be true.
These days he plays with pick up bands around the world, constantly searching for a new and invigorating sound, testing the boundaries of metal, never resting on his Maiden laurels. Here’s a live, solo track for your perusal - here’s ‘Remember Tomorrow - live‘.
Of late, there has been some unwarranted abuse of the mighty HAWKWIND in these pages. Despite warnings of severe punishment, this actually spilled on to the pages of A Scandal & A Disgrace. So, it is with heavy heart, and a finger pointed at You Know Who You Bloody Well Are, that I present to you.
Part One of the Godshatmyipod Tribute to “Drive Me Crazy“.
Eh? I hear you cry. Well, once upon a time a movie emerged that actually made the Britney Spears vehicle “Crossroads” seem like a Sundance worthy, Newsnight Review feted masterpiece. No surprise then, to learn that it starred the low rent Britney, one Melisaa Joan Hart, formerly of the hallowed in my household Sabrina The Teenage Witch*. Of course, MJH (as her friends call her) couldn’t actually sing, so they roped Britney into an episode of Sabrina, and sneaked Melissa into a Britney video to prove that her lack of talent extended to dancing as well.
Naturally, that means the opening slot goes to Britney. Appropriately enough. So here’s the near title track “(You Drive Me) Crazy“, complete with redundant brackets;
Without actually having seen the film all the way through, I’m guessing this is the bit where MJH spots the man of her dreams emerging dripping wet from a foam bath in the pet salon where he shampoos chihuahas. And here’s where it gets weird, fact fans. Said manflesh is played by Adrian Grenier, in a breakthrough movie role he has spent the last ten years trying to expunge from memory since he starred in the award winning HBO series, “Entourage“. Well, it’s back BABY!
Because this is a wholesome movie, next up are Christian rock band, Jars Of Clay, whose name is derived from the New International Version’s translation of 2 Corinthians 4:7: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. But God seems to be okay with them hawking “Unforgetful You” to MJH.
This song probably essays the scene where Adrian looks across the water spillage at MJHs cleavage, and realises there is more to life than shampooing chihuahas, and that if he plays his cards right, the budget Britney could introduce him to the real one, and he could get to star in an actual Britney video! (which he did).
Finally, for now, it’s over to the well known, not at all mad, and / or homosexualist alchoholics, the Backstreet Boys. Best known these days for providing the cash to enable manager Lou Pearlman in his money laundering career (2008 saw him copping 25 years in federal prison, after pleading guilty), they used to make records in between taking their shirts off in public and rubbing baby oil over their oddly (even the bearded one) hairless chests.
As it’s really shite remix of “I Want It That Way“, with hints of doof doof, this must soundtrack the 4am acid test Adrian and MJH take part in just before the animal orgy. Or not.
More soon.
* a programme I watched for the insanely hot Beth Broderick who interspersed kiddy telly with art house, topless fare. Joy.
I really do. Hate, Hate, Hate Led Zeppelin. Never got it. All I hear is a bloated, overblown, plagiarising squealing noise, akin to a lorry reversing down a wind tunnel, and amplified through a platform announcement system.
But of all the things I Hate, Hate, Hate about Led Zeppelin it’s the downright thievery. Even when they were gabillionaire rock stars with their own private continents, it still took law suits before they would fess up and pay up. Of course, by then most of the people they’d stolen from were long dead, usually in brain blowing poverty. Utter bastards. And yes, I know thousands of others have had the same rant. But I Don’t Care.
And, just to make matters worse, Led Zep still managed to be utter shite.
So, here’s one of my favourite songs, as not written by Led Zeppelin, ‘Nobodys Fault But Mine’, heard backwards through the years.
First up is the pretty, never would have been so feted if she hadn’t been blonde and purty, Beth Rowley with her version from her recent “Little Dreamer” album;
Back in the sixties, John Renbourn had a bash on his 1967 album, “Another Monday“. This was probably where Page, Perce, Plonk and Bozo nicked it, seeing as how Page also borrowed liberally from Renbourns sometime partner Bert Jansch, most famously renaming ‘Blackwater Side’ as ‘Black Mountain Side’, guitar arrangement and all;
Amazingly, even though Led Zep wrote it, Blind Willie Johnson managed to lay down the original version on December 3rd, 1927. Unfortunately, for Blind Willie, in 1945, his home burned to the ground. With nowhere else to go, Johnson lived in the burned ruins of his home, sleeping on a wet bed. He lived like this until he contracted pneumonia two weeks later, and died. One of the finest bluesmen ever, listen to this.
Bonus Blind Willie track, also to be played at my funeral - ‘John The Revelator‘.
If you want to find further examples of Led Zeps largesse, check out;
‘Dazed And Confused’ appeared on the Jake Holmes’s 1967 album “The Above Ground Sound Of Jake Holmes” - Page had already nicked it for The Yardbirds ‘I’m Confused’
‘I Can’t Quit You Baby’, written by Willie Dixon for Otis Rush in 1956
‘Tangerine’ - an old Yardbirds tune, co-written with Keith Relf who vanishes from the credits, and died broke in 1976.
‘Since I’ve Been Loving You’ stole the lyrics from Moby Grape’s ‘Never’.
‘Stairway To Heaven’ steals the opening guitar lines from Spirit’s 1968 track ‘Taurus’ and the the chord progression comes from the Chocolate Watch Bands, ‘And She’s Lonely’ whom The Yardbirds toured with during Page’s tenure.
“Babe I’m Gonna Leave You” - A folk song by Anne Bredon, this was originally credited as “traditional, arranged by Jimmy Page,” then “words and music by Jimmy Page,” and then, following legal action, “Bredon/Page/Plant.”
“Bring It On Home” - the first section is an uncredited cover of the Willie Dixon tune (as performed by the imposter Sonny Boy Williamson).
“Communication Breakdown” - apparently derived from Eddie Cochran’s “Nervous Breakdown.”
“Custard Pie” - uncredited cover of Bukka White’s “Shake ‘Em On Down,” with lyrics from Sleepy John Estes’s “Drop Down Daddy.”
“Hats Off To (Roy) Harper” - uncredited version of Bukka White’s “Shake ‘Em On Down.”
“How Many More Times” - Part one is an uncredited cover of the Howlin’ Wolf song (available on numerous compilations). Part two is an uncredited cover of Albert King’s “The Hunter.”
“In My Time Of Dying” - uncredited cover of the traditional song (as heard on Bob Dylan’s debut).
“The Lemon Song” - uncredited cover of Howlin’ Wolf’s “Killing Floor” - Wolf’s publisher sued Zeppelin in the early 70s and settled out of court.
“Moby Dick” - written and first recorded by Sleepy John Estes under the title “The Girl I Love,” and later covered by Bobby Parker.
“White Summer” - uncredited cover of Davey Graham’s “She Moved Through The Fair.”
“Whole Lotta Love” - lyrics are from the Willie Dixon blues “You Need Love.”
I’ve been getting very excited of late, as the mighty HAWKWIND, the Masters Of The Universe, The Warriors At The Edge Of Time, the band who defined a large part of my teens, twenties and even thirties have announced a proper UK, which means I only have to drag my weary bones to Glasweegie in December, instead of all the way dahn sarf to Lahndan Town.
It also made me realise that I haven’t been playing enough records by mad bastards of late.
So, into the depths of the cleverly named Mad Bastard Box I went. However, I didn’t get very far, as the first shelf, the Mad Swedish Bastard shelf contained quite enough madness for one day. Because in between the teeny pop, saunas, goth metal and flagellation, you will find an abundance of mad seventies inspired bandits, and a good number of them appear on the Transubstans label. So I make no apologies for devoting today to some of their latter day mental gubbins.
First up are the splendid Graveyard, with the song “Evil Ways“.
I have nothing to say, as the press release did it so much better; “Steppin’ out of the Swedish woods and right into your head! This quartet bends your mind with their sonic boom rhythms. Seducing you with songs in which life and death collide with the blues, thunder and lightning brings out heavy tunes of doom, insanity and clarity clashes into psychedelia and folk music.” Result!
Next up are Burning Saviours with the fabulously titled “Dreaming Of Pastries” from their “Nymphs & Weavers album. And who hasn’t?
“Burning Saviours pay homage to childhood favorites like Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Uriah Heep and Jethro Tull but brings it up to date with 2007 sound and style. The band do not fear to mix in plenty of folky influences, adding flutes and slower songs as well. File next to Cathedral or Pentagram.” Words to make an old man weep.
Last, but no means least are the spacerockiest of the bunch, Oresund Space Collective with “Viking Cleaner” from “The Black Tomato” album.
“It is not only the magic of the moment but the spirit that rises up through the music and escapes. There is a lot of hidden sounds, feelings and moods in the music for one to discover through aural stimulation. We recommend you exit your normal existence, place the headphones firmly in place, relax…enter into the Black Tomato.” Which smells like the kind of hippy I like to give a good beatdown to, but I’ll let them off this time.
Yes, folks, it’s finally here! The Arts Council sponsored International Blackface Day.
The one time of year that we can officially celebrate the magnificent tradition of MINSTRELry. Blackface is something we can thank the colonials for, as it’s American in origin, and was an important performance tradition in the American theatre for over 100 years beginning around 1830. It also became popular overseas, particularly here in Her Majestys Great Britain, where the tradition lasted even longer.
We’re going to begin with the legendary Eddie Peabody performing in Babes On Broadway in 1938 with a medley of ‘Ring, Ring da Banjo’, ‘Waitin’ for the Robert E Lee’ and & ‘Alabamy Bound’ including the sheer magic of Mickey Rooney in blackface and Judy Garland not in blackface;
Of course, we enlightened BRITISHers kept the MINSTREL tradition going as prime time entertainment right up to the late seventies, with the last show going out on 21st July 1978;
Many children nowadays don’t know how to go about putting on a MINSTREL show, as it’s a forgotten art form, so praise be that the cameras were rolling when Glenn Vernon and Edward Ryan showed us how to go about blacking up, back in 1950.
Some folks, however, say that MINSTRELry never went away - it just changed direction
As the school holidays have started here in SCOTCHland, why not start up a blackface project for your kids! The SCOTCH government is providing free shoe polish and white gloves to the first 5,000 applicants at http://www.scotchaninny.gov.uk and a similar programme begins south of the border, down Engerland way, in August.
A couple of days ago, smooth singing, easy listening icon George ‘George’ Benson was in town, entertaining 3000 or so elderly ladies, in the modern day version of an old folks home tea dance. Naturally, I turned down various entreaties to lower the average age by a good couple of decades. These days I only attract ladies of a certain age which either makes me well past it, or John Barrowman. Chances I can’t afford to take.
However, after a few hours of gently pottering around, testing out assorted park benches for levels of comfort, I actually remembered that George ‘George’ Benson used to be a top notch jazz guitarist. Now, that was a long, long time ago, so it took some digging around in the dark recesses of the vinyl cupboard before I came across the following gem;
Yes, not only did the super smotth Gurratest Lurve Ov All man cover the Jefferson Airplane classic, back in 1971; he named an entire album after it. And he got Herbie Hancock and Billy Cobham to join in. When they were still good. Amazing. Steal the title track here. Buy it here.
Which naturally made me think of my favourite electro gothsters, Collide. Who also covered ‘White Rabbit’, albeit it in a radically different form. They’re working hard on new material, and you really ought to buy their entire back catalogue here. Or be cheap, and steal the cover here.
Of course, some times the originals are the best, so you may as well have that as well. I’m more of an early seventies Jefferson Starship man myself, but the 1965 Jefferson Airplane lineup are getting back together for a festival show in the US. Find out more at founding bass player, Bob Harveys web site. Steal the original here, or grab the budget best of, for under a fiver, here.
And because I’m such a great guy, you can have a listen to a live version by Collidehere.
This Saturday, we’re holding a wake for my dead Mama down at the Mr H Trailer Park and All-Nite Pig Grill (closed Wednesdays).
As usual, the Mr H Glee Club (pictured above, Mr H centre), are once again providing the musical backing to a day of teary eyes and sad country songs.
Me and the boys have been workin’ up a special set, and have got a handle on “When God Comes And Gathers His Jewels” by Merle Haggard, “One Dyin’ And A Buryin” by Roger Miller and “O Death” by Dr. Ralph Stanley & The Clinch Mountain. And, of course, seeing as how this is the South, the classic Kissing You Goodbye by John Denver,, with its plaintive cry of “Get your tongue out of my mouth cause I’m kissing you goodbye”
What with the free beer and a pig in th ground, all my rowdy friends should have a mighty fine time. Even purty little Miss Heidi Newfield (who scrubs up real nice) has promised to bring the trick Pony boys over for a grandstand jam. Should be good. What with the additional clean up time required, the Mr H Trailer Park and All-Nite Pig Grill will be closed till noon on Sunday, but come by for lunch, and there will be some tasty sloppy seconds.
Well, my copy of Alive 35, live at Donington arrived today, so I’ve been reliving yet another magnificent night in the history of rock and roll, as the mighty KISS laid waste to the legions of the mundane.
Frankly, if you do not care for the mighty KISS, then you are satanspawn and / or FRENCH, and will be first up against the wall come the revolution. And not in a good way, mes Francais garlic sniffing surrender monkeys.
Here are the mighty KISS opening up with Deuce
And here are the slightly less mighty KISS sans makeup with I Love It Loud from 1988
And here’s a stunning version of Lick It Up, complete with Who tribute from this years Donington for you to steal!
To be honest, their studio stuff never kicked nearly enough ASS, so you can get by with a best of set.
For more on the current tour by the mighty KISS go here.
