Lo-rent Britney clones apply here

Of late, there has been some unwarranted abuse of the mighty HAWKWIND in these pages. Despite warnings of severe punishment, this actually spilled on to the pages of A Scandal & A Disgrace. So, it is with heavy heart, and a finger pointed at You Know Who You Bloody Well Are, that I present to you.

Part One of the Godshatmyipod Tribute to “Drive Me Crazy“.

Eh? I hear you cry. Well, once upon a time a movie emerged that actually made the Britney Spears vehicle “Crossroads” seem like a Sundance worthy, Newsnight Review feted masterpiece. No surprise then, to learn that it starred the low rent Britney, one Melisaa Joan Hart, formerly of the hallowed in my household Sabrina The Teenage Witch*. Of course, MJH (as her friends call her) couldn’t actually sing, so they roped Britney into an episode of Sabrina, and sneaked Melissa into a Britney video to prove that her lack of talent extended to dancing as well.

Naturally, that means the opening slot goes to Britney. Appropriately enough. So here’s the near title track “(You Drive Me) Crazy“, complete with redundant brackets;

Without actually having seen the film all the way through, I’m guessing this is the bit where MJH spots the man of her dreams emerging dripping wet from a foam bath in the pet salon where he shampoos chihuahas. And here’s where it gets weird, fact fans. Said manflesh is played by Adrian Grenier, in a breakthrough movie role he has spent the last ten years trying to expunge from memory since he starred in the award winning HBO series, “Entourage“. Well, it’s back BABY!

Because this is a wholesome movie, next up are Christian rock band, Jars Of Clay, whose name is derived from the New International Version’s translation of 2 Corinthians 4:7: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. But God seems to be okay with them hawking “Unforgetful You” to MJH.

This song probably essays the scene where Adrian looks across the water spillage at MJHs cleavage, and realises there is more to life than shampooing chihuahas, and that if he plays his cards right, the budget Britney could introduce him to the real one, and he could get to star in an actual Britney video! (which he did).

Finally, for now, it’s over to the well known, not at all mad, and / or homosexualist alchoholics, the Backstreet Boys. Best known these days for providing the cash to enable manager Lou Pearlman in his money laundering career (2008 saw him copping 25 years in federal prison, after pleading guilty), they used to make records in between taking their shirts off in public and rubbing baby oil over their oddly (even the bearded one) hairless chests.

As it’s really shite remix of “I Want It That Way“, with hints of doof doof, this must soundtrack the 4am acid test Adrian and MJH take part in just before the animal orgy. Or not.

More soon.

* a programme I watched for the insanely hot Beth Broderick who interspersed kiddy telly with art house, topless fare. Joy.

And here’s the video;