It’s Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 9

Yup, Christmas is quite literally inches away, bringing with it tidings of co-omfort and joy. Of course, it also brings us to the end of the GHMI Christmas Goodies Giveaway Thingumyjig.

But we’re going out in style, for today, Christmas Eve, marks the birthday of the second most famous Christmas baby of them all, a prophet who also spent years in the wilderness, while lesser mortals poo-poohed him. But I was a true believer back in ‘79 and remain a true believer today.

It annoys me that there are still people out there failing to pay suitable fealty to the greatest rock and roller of them all. Our Lord Lemmy. But there’s still time, while he still walks among us. It can’t be long before he’s called back to the Metal Valhalla, so don’t delay.

This year, our Lord Lemmy has reached down to Christmas, and given of Himself. Truly, he has teamed up with the Archangel Gibbons from the Church of ZZ Top, and bestowed a Chuck Berry classic upon us.

We should be thankful Happy birthday Lemmy!

Listen to ‘Run Rudolph Run’ here, and have a great CHristmas.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

It’s Rockin The Blooze Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 8

It’s nearly here!

I’m getting all excited.

Within the parameters of being me, I’ve been surprisingly good this year. Still sober, only a handful of fist fights, beatdowns only dispensed after careful thought, only outed one Irishman against his will.

And, of course, I’ve been ludicrously generous with spreading Christmas cheer, here at GHMI. Something that continues today with erstwhile Sheryl Crow guitarist, now unreconstructed bloozeman, Todd Wolfe. Yes, Wolfe. A proper name for a bloozeman. And a name shared with that Great British Hero, General James Wolfe.

Now, I’m using hero in it’s old fashioned sense, when it meant to do something heroic, in this case kicking the French armys arse at Quebec, sending them off to pout, preen and prepare for collaboration, while giving the Canadians the greatest gift of all. Great British rule.

This is not to be confused with the modern day “hero”, which seems to entail cycling faster than other cyclists aka “a Hoy”. This was formerly known as doing your job properly.

Back to Todd Wolfe, praise be for his fine Christmas tune, and an excuse to run a picture of Sheryl Crow.

Listen to ‘Merry X-mas Baby’ here.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues to the world on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

It’s Smooth Mentalists Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 7

A double dose of Christmas jollity for you today.

First up is a few moments of mmm, nice smooth jazz. All the way from Atlanta, Georgia, it’s keyboard wizard and producer John Carrozza, seasoned bassist Joe Reda, veteran percussionist Jon Chalden and vocal siren Jennifer Carrozza. Which means a lot of them are quite old, and should know better than to mess with ‘Jingle Bells’. But it’s, mmmm, nice.

Visit them here and listen to ‘Jingle Bells’ here.

We’ve also got a treat from arch-mentalist Enya, the quite possibly robotronic Queen of all things Lothlorien and flouncy. I’m not entirely convinced she exists, what with all the soft focus and Irish castles malarkey, but whatever computer controls her / is her, has come up with an “interesting” version of ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’. I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so scared and creeped out. Those with a strong stomach, and some kind of dwarvish defence mechanism may take their lives in their own hands here.

Please God, will someone hurry up with that figgy pudding! She won’t leave without it. Help……

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues to the world on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

It’s Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 6

It’s time to have something for the ladies out there. We’ve been rocking hard of late, but sometimes it’s nice to sit back, relax, picture an attractive Swedish lady, perhaps relaxing in a jacuzzi, clothesless and, possibly, naked.

Maybe she has been birching herself, and needs someone to reach the places she can’t manage herself. It could be she needs a good hard pumicing, a volcanic rock that is a solidified frothy lava, not uncommon in Sweden.

Um, what was I talking about? Oh, yes, Nina Persson, the Cardigans vocalist who has the dreadfully named side project A Camp, with Sparklehorse fella Mark Linkous. Although I have no idea what that last bit is. I nicked it from Wiki. Anyway, the fragrant and possibly polished Nina has recorded ‘Silent Night’, especially for you, the plebs, this Christmas.

So today’s Christmas classic is ‘Stille Nacht’. You can hear it here.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues to the world on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

A Camp are here.

It’s Axlmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 5

Everyone knows that Christmas isn’t really about Jesus Christ and the birth of a new religion. Nor is it about Saint Nicholas and his dodgy night time visits to the homes of small children. No, Christmas, or Axlmas as it is to be renamed, is all about Bill Bailey aka W. Axl Rose, his Guns and his Roses.

This year, as we celebrate the second coming of Axl, remember to buy everyone you know a copy of “Chinese Democracy”, so that our Lord God Axl can be kept cocooned in the world of crazy he has inhabited for so long. But please remember, an Axl isn’t just for Axlmas. It’s for life.

So today’s Christmas classic is from one-time Gunner, no hard feelings whatsoever, Gilby Clarke, with his rendition of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Axl Rose’. You can hear it here.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues to the world on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

Give the breath of life to St Axl for another millennium, buy Chinese Democracy here.

It’s Kerrrriisssttmassss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 4

Santa Claus is a man. A man with a beard. A fat man with a beard. A fat man with a white beard. And fat men with white beards have needs. So I’m told. Not from personal Marcia Cross induced thoughts of what my belly / beard / Cross combination would entail. No siree, Bob.

But Santa Claus has needs. In fact, he wants some lovin’. Which means if there were any attractive women around my house (and there are), I’d be setting some Santa Claus related booby traps just to make sure that he doesn’t get up to any nonsense.

So while you’re busy laying bear traps garlanded with tinsel around your loved ones, settle back and listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd as they tell you all about the fat man and his lust. The dirty old man.

Today’s Christmas classic is ‘Santa Claus Needs Some Lovin’. You can hear it here.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues to the world on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

Saturday Yee-Haw Kerrrriisssttmassss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 2

As y’all know by now, I’ve been incarcerated in the Packahassee County Jail, and it’s the All-New Mr H Glee Club who’ve been performing for the boys in Cell Block 9, these last few weeks.

A few folks have been dropping into the Mr H Trailer Park and 24/7, 365, All-Nite Pig Grill and Tanning Saloon (closed Wednesdays), to pass on their condolences to Mrs H, seeing as how I’ll be here for Christmas. Well, let me tell y’all, that I’ve still got friends on the outside, and they’ve been done keeping an eye on just who has been condoling Mrs H. So, I know where you live, and I’ll be out next month.

Now that I’m out of solitary confinement, the beatdowns are only once a week, which leaves plenty time for Jesus, grits and knuckle ride Nancy, especially since the cause of my current predicament, my long lost cousin Twinkle (pictured below), came visiting last week.

I’ve never seem so many men fighting for a ringside view. The warden had to hose them done with Big Bertha, the water cannon he liberated from them there Al Keeda boys down in Knoxville. Leastways, they were overly swarthy, and ran a kebab shop, which is the kind of Commie Islamic we’ve got to stamp out, now that Commie Islamic dude is president.

Kenny over at the Aryan Brotherhood wing reckons that if he sends him a welcome to the White House gift, in the shape of a pentagram, that the Satanic Commie Islamilover won’t be able to resist. And then ka-boom!

Course, Kenny ain’t exactly sure what a pentagram looks like, but there’s a Jewish boy working the kitchen whose going to be press ganged Saturday night. Kenny says the Jews know all about Satan and sewing, so he’ll be a natural. I’m not so sure. My Uncle Ulysses went to Boston once, and said they were just like the rest of. Only they couldn’t speak English proper.

After the tremendous success of the prison stage production of The Country Bears, me and the boys are putting on a Christmas show. The warden sure loves Christmas, almost as much as the Marshall Tucker Band, so we’ve run up a version of their Christmas classic ‘My Christmas In Custody’. which you can listen to here.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be listening to my Scotch cousing, Mr McH on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and he’s promised to play the original version.

Should be good. Later, y’all.

It’s Kerrrriisssttmassss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 1

It’s Kerrrriisssttmassss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks, the official GHMI countdown to Kerristmas starts here.

Over the next couple of weeks I shall be bringing you the finest in Kerristmas music, the likes of which you won’t hear on the radiogram or any televisual devices you may employ.

Unless you tune into the Christmas with Mr H on GRTR on Christmas Day between 8 and 10pm GMT, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, Empress of India time.

To kick things off, I’ve fired up “Christmas Boogie” by Sugar Chile Robinson.

A child prodigy, he allegedly played a recognisable version of ‘Tuxedo Junction’ at the age of two. Aged 5 he was discovered by bandleader Frankie Carle and within a he was asked to play at a White House party for President Harry Truman, had guested with Lionel Hampton’s Orchestra and even appeared performing the title song in the 1946 MGM romantic comedy film “No Leave, No Love”.

Unlike many other kiddywinks, he graduated from Olivet College in Michigan in 1960 with a degree in psychology, but went into his Uncle Frank’s chiropractor business.

So there.

More Christmas jollity soon.