Now I know what you folks are thinking. It ain’t Saturday. Well, let me tell you, when the beer starts flowing and the fists go flying, then pretty much any night is Saturday night down at the Mr H Trailer Park and 24/7, 365, All-Nite Pig Grill (closed Wednesdays).
Just for a change, it was all the fault of Big Bubba, who sings tenor with the Mr H Glee Club (pictured above, Mr H centre). Seems his brother (and tenor), Lil Bubba has been porking the pig a little bit close to home, and that maybe, just maybe, Big Bubba Jr and lil Missy Babette aren’t going to grow up as tall and as purty as Big Bubba.
So, things got a bit rowdy when Mrs Bubba (pictured below) turned up, all halter neck, low flying breasts and hot pants, and started jiggling and gyrating stage right. And everyone knows that Big Bubba never strays from stage left. Not since the incident with the branding iron and the ripped dungarees. Before you could give a “Yee-Haw”, the whole Glee Club erupted into the best damn fight we’ve had since Missy-Sue gave three of us a dose the night of the boar wrestling contest.
A bit of a shame, as we’d just worked up a fine rendition of our signature tune, the Jake Owens classic “Yee-Haw“. We won’t be playing this Saturday, what with two $50 fines and a lack of members. So with the Mr H Glee Club out of action for quite some time, we’ve lined up the Topless Bowling Team for entertainment. Hope my bowling arm still works. If you don’t fancy seeing me topless, buy the CD here, stay home, and make your own entertainment.
This Saturday, we’re holding a wake for my dead Mama down at the Mr H Trailer Park and All-Nite Pig Grill (closed Wednesdays).
As usual, the Mr H Glee Club (pictured above, Mr H centre), are once again providing the musical backing to a day of teary eyes and sad country songs.
Me and the boys have been workin’ up a special set, and have got a handle on “When God Comes And Gathers His Jewels” by Merle Haggard, “One Dyin’ And A Buryin” by Roger Miller and “O Death” by Dr. Ralph Stanley & The Clinch Mountain. And, of course, seeing as how this is the South, the classic Kissing You Goodbye by John Denver,, with its plaintive cry of “Get your tongue out of my mouth cause I’m kissing you goodbye”
What with the free beer and a pig in th ground, all my rowdy friends should have a mighty fine time. Even purty little Miss Heidi Newfield (who scrubs up real nice) has promised to bring the trick Pony boys over for a grandstand jam. Should be good. What with the additional clean up time required, the Mr H Trailer Park and All-Nite Pig Grill will be closed till noon on Sunday, but come by for lunch, and there will be some tasty sloppy seconds.
Two FACTS (real ones, not Internet ones) are immutable. The COUNTRYSIDE is where all sorts of deviant behaviour goes on. And not the good kind. And AMERICA is a world populated by colonials too deviant for our COUNTRYSIDE.
So if you put AMERICANS and the COUNTRYSIDE together, you end up with DEVIANCE2. Something that should be avoided at all costs. Did those legendary documentaries “Deliverance” and “Southern Comfort” teach you nothing!When they’re not busy playing with farm animals and marrying their kin folk, they usually end up caterwauling about how their sister and their pig are cheating on them behind their back (which is often in front of them), and how it’s all their Daddys fault.Now if your Daddy happened to be a country singer who died aged 29 and had a reputation for being a hellraising, SPEED FREAKING jakey whose final record was called ‘I’ll Never Get Out of This World Alive’, then frankly you’ve got no chance. Especially if you are taught to play the piano by JERRY LEE LEWIS. And so it proved with his son, the subtly named Hank Williams Jr, who gre up to become a hellraising, SPEED FREAKING jakey country singer, a trade he has now passed on to his son, the fabulously named Hank Williams III.
Spot the country singer in the picture below
Listen to ‘Honky Tonkina’, and keep a close eye on your trouser area.
