EUROFRENZYVISION sees bookies panic

1-0! Kristi Yamahottie wins DANCING WITH THE STARS

Mr Ladbroke “accidentally” checks the new balance in the online account of one Mr H, of this parish.

2-0! Dave Enchillida, the spawn of Gollum gets trounced,  TROUNCED I say,  by Dave Rockbloke, the emo fringed caterwauler in the final of SMERICAN IDOL.  Mr Ladbroke “bumps into” Mr Coral And Mr Hill in the Dubai Marriott to discuss “mutual areas of offshore balance transfer activity”, as Mr H prepares to punt his combined winnings EUROVISIONwards.

But who will it be?  Only Mr H knows, and that could all change post the second EUROFRENZYVISIONBOWL second semi-final this evening.  He’s already hinted at Bulgar type action, but perhaps the Ukranian HOT CHICK,  Ani Lorak, might sway him, should she qualify. Look out for For Sales signs appearing outside bookies the country over, should I come up TRUMPS and TROUNCE them on Saturday standing, a s I do,  to win literally,  POUNDS!

Ms Lorak is pictured below

And just to keep the second rate METAL fans happy (see wot I did there), here’s the latest Finnish METAL hordes to be send to the EUROFRENZYVISIONBOWL, Teräsbetoni performing “Missä Miehet Ratsastaa”, which has just got be the most made up language EVER.

JUSTICE! JUSTICE! Irish barstards dumped!

Yes! It’s the most important week of the year as the glory that is EUROVISION arrives, this year co-inciding with the finals of DANCING WITH THE STARS and SMERICAN IDOL. What a week! There will be no sleep for me. Let’s deal with EUROVISION first.

The first semi final is over and those dirty Irish barstards were dumped at the first hurdle with their foul poultrified effort.  Justice! That’ll teach them for not selecting OFFICIAL Hot Chick Leona Daly.  Vengeance is mine, saeth the Lord, lisp intact.

Which meant a whole load of made up countries got through to the EUROVISION final on Saturday, so look out for entries from Ruritania and Azerbaijan amongst others. I’ve got a wee sneaky feeling about the Bulgars this year, mainly because of the OFFICIAL Hot Chick.  Video somewhere below.

Over in SMERICAN IDOL land, it’s been a godawful year, and the final is between the two Daves. Dave Enchillida, the spawn of Gollum and Dave Rockbloke, the emo fringed caterwauler. I so don’t care after they turfed out the divine OFFICIAL Hot Chick Brooke White, who should have won by a country mile. But, balancing the evil emo against the evil Clay Aiken, I suppose it has to be the evil emo. [shrugs]. However, as it is the final, Brooke will be back!

Over at DANCING WITH THE STARS , the Smerican public finally voted off the fat lass last week in the semi final. There must have been a 4 for 1 offer on at McDonalds to keep the lard asses away from their phones, as she was a useless wobbling screamfest from day one. So we’re left with black bloke, Hispanic bloke and Japanese lass. Yay for diversity! With the ethnic votes all tied up, it’s going to be down to the white folks of Diddlysquat, Arkansas to decide who wins.

Now they won’t go black, not with his freakish long arms, the Hispanics do a good job working in the fields, but they won’t want them getting uppity and demanding wages, as well as a handful of beans and a cow shed to sleep in. Which leaves Japanese lass. I’m pretty sure that most Smericans don’t remember World War II as being real (it was a Spielberg movie), so if they’ve blanked Pearl Harbour (it has a u dammit), then Kristi Yamaguchi should win. And she’s the best dancer. And she’s an OFFICIAL hot chick.

Right, I’m away for a lie down before EUROVISION semi final redux on Thursday, so here’s that video.