Take THAT, Ingrates

You lot may be an absolute SHOWER, but I still treat you with professional courtesy. Which is why, despite your lack of appreciation for the LOVERBOY, this post comes with a WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

This may be the worst record ever. Now, as a semi-retired music journalist, I have undergone years of training, so that when confronted with the abject horrors of the new Manic Street Preachers, Ash or Foo Fighters record, I can survive the attempted aural assassination and, depending on who’s paying, lavish it with disgust.

However, what I am about to give to you is so horrible, I had to spend 48 hours in a bamboo cage, with my Filipino boy beating me about the head with a seal cub as he sang in his delightfully pidgin English, the entire recorded output of Radiohead and Coldplay. Only then was I able to listen to this, and only once.

Be WARNED!

The Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizzario Band, for it is they, was a band formed in 1970 in Omaha, Nebraska. The band’s “career” began by playing the Omaha and Lincoln circuits for about four years until in 1974, the members expanded throughout the midwest with a ten-piece band. Between 1974 and 1976, the band recorded an LP, Stuffed, released on the Sunburn record label. Fortunately, a tsunami heard their performance, and despite Nebraska being thoroughly landlocked, took a 10,000 mile detour to kill them all.

Ogden Edsl was inducted into the Nebraska Music Hall of Fame on 27 October 2001 at the Ranch Bowl in Omaha. This tells you everything you ever need to know about the colonials.

Now download this, peasants.

“Kinko the Clown”, is the heartwarming story of a childrens party clown who is actually a complete and utter speedofile, and probably a kiddy murderer, as well. They were good days, the seventies. A simpler, happier time. Well, for speedofiles anyway.

If you recover, come back and beg for the LOVERBOY. Gits

Loverboy Lovefest 4 – The Death of Sexy

Loverboy sashayed into 1987, thinking the world belonged to them. No longer would small children back in Canadia throw syrup at them. No, they were bona fide STARS! Or so they thought. But the Scientologists were abroad, recruiting fellow midgets Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora to “help” out on the new Loverboy album, “Wildside”.

Surely nothing could go wrong, what with the Bon Jovi boys coming off the back of the 26 million (that’s twenty six MILLION) selling “Slippery When Wet”. But with the subliminal messages implanted in the ridiculously catchy na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na ‘Notorious’, their days were numbered. My highly trained team of scientist monkeys spent years deciphering the message which turned out to say “buy Livin’ On a Prayer instead, buy Livin’ On a Prayer instead, buy Livin’ On a Prayer instead” over and over and over. Sexy was Dead.

Loverboy were crushed and the evil Bon Jovi Empire flourished for a thousand years. Thanks to my monkeys you can hear ‘Notorious’, minus the subliminal messages here. You can buy the album here, despite it being shamefully, SHAMEFULLY I SAY, deletef. A final chance to giggle is below.

Loverboy have done the usual big in the eighties thing of bunging out live albums, compilations and sporadic touring, finally achieving that Spinal tap moment in 2000 when bassist Scott Smith was declared dead after being lost at sea.

Coming soon – the GHMI special on why Loverboy piss all over Led Zeppelin.

Go visit them here –

Loverboy Lovefest III – The Tastemakers Revenge

Album number three, “Keep It Up” arrived in 1983, but Loverboy couldn’t, despite the single ‘Hot Girls in Love‘ hitting the coveted Number 11 slot on the American Billboard chart. They embarked upon their first tour as headliners, but the Wendys Burgers chain took out a restraining order preventing them from playing in their car parks, and it all started to fall apart.

But Ken, Ken and the other lovers of boys didn’t lie down without a fight. No, they roped in the big guns for fourth album “Lovin’ Every Minute of It“, with Robert John Mutt “soon to be ex husband of Shania, form an orderly queue” Lange, and the title song took them soaring into the US top 10. Not content with that, they all converted to Scientology and built up shoes, thus securing a slot in the soundtrack to the Tom Cruise movie “Top Gun“. But little did they know that the refusal of keyboard player Doug ‘Ken’ Johnson to appear in the video for said song, ‘Heaven In Your Eyes‘, as he felt the movie glorified war, would see the whole Scientology movement draw themselves up to their full five and a half feet and prepare to damn Loverboy to oblivion.!

Steal the title track to “Lovin’ Every Minute of It“here, buy a twofer of “Keep It Up / Lovin’ Every Minute Of It” here, comb your perm below.

Loverboy Lovefest Part Secundus

No-one can ever accuse the business folk of the American colonies of being slow on the uptake, and they leapt into action, releasing the Loverboy debut into the midwest in November 1980. The simple farm folk couldn’t believe that so many ugly musicians could end up in one band, resulting in 2 million (that’s two MILLION) farmers snapping up copies at the Weekly Pig Swap & BBQ, where Loverboy put in regular appearances touring alongside Cheap Trick, ZZ Top, Kansas, and the still at primary school, Def Leppard.

Thinking that time couldn’t possibly be on Loverboys side, the record company bunged out the follow up a fortnight later. The appropriately titled “Get Lucky”, saw them tour with Journey. The frenetic rush for the merchandise stand caused by Steve Perrys supernatural caterwauling saw 4 million (that’s four MILLION) colonials buying copies, rolling up the receipt and stuffing it in theie ears.

This was the same year that saw Loverboy receive five Juno Awards, Canada’s highest award for music, in one year! This record that still stands today. What aboot that, Rush, eh?

Here’s ‘Working for the Weekend‘ to steal, for your delectation. Buy the album here. See how age has not withered the Loverboy below.

Loverboy Lovefest Part the First

The legendary Loverboy began life as a pizza delivery collective in deepest, darkest Calgary, over in Her Majestys Dominion of Canadia.

One night, during a rumble between pizza delivery drivers, former Moxy Man Mike ‘Ken’ Reno was introduced to ex Streetheart Paul ‘Ken’ Dean (formerly of the band Streetheart) and a legend began.

The songs the two started to put together were so good, that the nascent Loverboy were rejected by EVERY major record label in the United States of the Colonies. Eventually, Columbia Records of Canada signed them to help fill up their legally required Canadian content quota.

For some strange reason, their debut album, produced by Bruce ‘Bruce’ Fairbairn and engineered by a pre-pubescent Bob ‘Ruined Metallica’ Rock, managed to sell 700,000 copies in Canadia in 1980 alone. That meant that every man, woman and child in Canadia bought it 4 times EACH!

The breakout hit was ‘Turn Me Loose’, which sees ‘Ken’ Reno pleading to be released from the chains caused by his bicycle being delivered to a sex party and a gimp outfit being delivered to his house by mistake.

Steal it here, buy the debut album here, and marvel at the sheer uggo action below.