It’s Kerrrriisssttmassss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! … part 4

Santa Claus is a man. A man with a beard. A fat man with a beard. A fat man with a white beard. And fat men with white beards have needs. So I’m told. Not from personal Marcia Cross induced thoughts of what my belly / beard / Cross combination would entail. No siree, Bob.

But Santa Claus has needs. In fact, he wants some lovin’. Which means if there were any attractive women around my house (and there are), I’d be setting some Santa Claus related booby traps just to make sure that he doesn’t get up to any nonsense.

So while you’re busy laying bear traps garlanded with tinsel around your loved ones, settle back and listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd as they tell you all about the fat man and his lust. The dirty old man.

Today’s Christmas classic is ‘Santa Claus Needs Some Lovin’. You can hear it here.

Come Christmas Day, I’ll be broadcasting Christmas joy to the world on GRTR between 8 and 10pm GMT, and broadcasting Christmas Blues to the world on Boxing Day.

Should be good.

Niwobelheim IV – The Metal Strikes Back

It’s back to the glorious year of 1981 for the latest none hit wonder of the NWOBHM.

And it’s off to the metal heartland of Kent for the mighty Bollweevil.

Comprising;

Barry Oaten : Vocals
Steve Spencer : Lead Guitar
Kevin Bezant : Rhythm Guitar
Brian Reid : Bass
John Cope : Drums

Bollweevil managed this solitary single on the legendary Ellie Jay label in 1981, before heading off to the great NWOBHM graveyard, somewhere in the deepest Amazon where metalbeasts go to die.

Little is known about them, but “Sir” John Cope is now best known for his defeat at the Battle of Prestonpans (third Friday of each month, other dates by appointment) when the Scotchmen kicked his Hanoverian arse.

A.Skirving wrote a song all about it before Lynyrd Skynyrd drummer, Robert Burns stole it and passed it off as his own.
O Hey! Johnnie Cope are ye waukin’ yet?
Or are your drums a-beating yet?
If ye were waukin’ I wad wait
Tae gang tae the coals in the morning.
Of course if you want some real fun, you could always hire their guitarist!

Yes ‘Steamin’ Steve Spencer now plays with Strata, a South West London based covers band! Available for private functions, you could hire them for a works do, turn up in finest bullet belt and studded wristband, then stand right in front of him chanting “Bollweevil” “Bollweevil” “Bollweevil” “Bollweevil” and throwing horns at him. How much fun would that be!

Apparently, they play songs from Elvis and the Beatles to the Scissor Sisters and Queen. But we like it Rock Solid!

1. Rock Solid
2. Sands Of Time

SOUTHERN BOOGIE Pt 2 – Shot Down In Flames

The ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND may have kicked the whole thing off, but they were always too fond of the JAZZ for the less cerebral FAT, TATTOOED, BEARDIES out there. Or FTB as we shall call them from now on. No, what they needed was a band full of high school dropouts, bullies and future sex offenders with the best hair, beard and name of any RAWK drummer – Mr Artimus Pyle.

Praise be, then, for Jacksonville, Florida, gym teacher/basketball coach Leonard Skinner and the incestuous world of local music that saw future 38 Special fella Larry Junstrom (who also featured Donnie “not Johnny, brother of Ronnie” Van Zant) and Blackfoot fellas, Rickey Medlocke and Greg T. Walker taking their place in the mix, before the band formerly known as My Backyard solidified the three man guitar army that was to be LYNYRD SKYNYRD.

Their fiery mix of BLOOZE, country and week long guitar solos was exactly what the FTBs needed to cement their position as the GODs of RAWK. Even better, like the ALLMANS before them, there was an outbreak of DEATH by plane, something every classic RAWK group needs.

As you will know, post death, none of SKYNYRD fared particularly well, and the tribute shows of 1987 developed into the still running, if severely lacking in seventies members,SKYNYRD of today, featuring Johnny “not Donnie, brother of Ronnie” Van . They’ve also continued the DEATH tradition with whole host of members popping their clogs in non-plane related incidents. Although, strangely, their last studio album, “Vicious Cycle” was one of their best.

Most people stopped counting when SKYNYRDs membership list reached 22, with the current lineup including two original members, Gary Rossington and Billy Powell, although technically Medlocke kinda counts.

But for the time being, let’s head back in time and enjoy some ancient SKYNYRD!

You can LISTEN to Lynyrd Skynyrd I Ain’t The One [Original Version] here.

You can LISTEN to Lynyrd Skynyrd – Simple Man [Original Version] here.

You can STEAL I Ain’t The One mp3 HERE!
You can STEAL Simple Man mp3 HERE!

You can buy the cheapskate comp here.
You can buy the middle class comp here.
You can buy the week skiing in Austria comp here.

No, really, surely not, show some decorum, man!