We’re back, thanks to the complete lack of public acclaim, with the much derided Best Of British Part 2. Mebbe this isn’t the best time to be plugging something with that title, but if it makes Nick Griffin a better man, then it’s time well spent.
With that in mind I’m already regretting the first track from Warfare – “Burn The King’s Road”. Now I’ve been down the king’s Road, and it seemed comparatively pleasant compared to other streets in London. Me, I’d be burning Streatham, but perhaps Warfare knew something I don’t.
Originally the B-side to their Neat Records debut 7″ “This Machine Kills”, Warfare plugged away gamely for most of the eighties, sticking with Neat, long after Neat meant anything to anyone. Naturally, the hailed from Newcastle, and if I tell you that they were formed by Evo, ex drummer with the Angelic Upstarts, then I think you will know exactly how good they were. They also featured the legend that is Wurzel, in his pre-Motorhead days as well as Mantas (the Venom fella). At different times obviously.
Next up is Jaguar. Now I liked Jaguar, especially their “Axe Crazy” single, which came out on Neat in 1982.
Sadly by the time their “Power Games” LP came out, it was 1983 and the horse had long since bolted. I remember seeing them opening the show for Girlschool in 1984(?), and they were still pretty impressive. They packed it in a year or so later, but got back together about ten years ago, continuing in one for or another right up till today. This track doesn’t seem to appear on any other release.
This installment comes to an end with Emerson. One of the single worst bands I ever saw play live. It was at the Hard Rock Cafe (pre franchise), which used to be upstairs in the Edinburgh Playhouse, and is now a swanky restaurant. I saw some great gigs there – Twisted Sister and Raven spring to mind, as well as the legendary Spider. But, oh dear. Emerson were absolutely awful. I suppose their brand of wannabee US AOR was not what beered up Scotch teenage metal fans wanted to hear, but even now, this is pretty dire.
I seem to recall the band was led by the Emerson brothers, and that they released on solitary 7″. This track wasn’t good enough to get on the B-side.
Fact fiends may be interested to know that Stu (the guitarist) ended up performing on albums by Meat Loaf and Bonnie Tyler! And by glancing over my right shoulder, I can see a poster for a Tyketto gig at the Newcastle Mayfair in 1994, when they were supported by Mrs Loud aka Lorraine Crosby, the partner of Stu who sang lead on “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)”. You never thought I was going there, did you.
Now, I know you’re pretty blown away right now. But wait, there’s more. The singer in Emerson was a guy called Sam Blewitt. Not a great name. So he changed it to Sam Blue. He went on to sing with (deep breath) Axis, L. A. Secrets, Paul Samson’s Empire, Ya Ya, Ultravox, GTS, and Burns Blue. But, and prepare to gasp, he is most famous for being the vocalist on The Streets’ chart-topping single “Dry Your Eyes”! It’s true! Although for me, his two Song For Europe entries are what mark him out (in 1996 as part of the duo Esseness with the song “I Never Knew” and 1997 as a solo artist with the song “For The Life You Don’t Yet Know”). He didn’t win.
One has to ask what the point of having trading standards officers in this country is, when an album can go on the market with a title like that. I mean, really! But then I suppose calling it “The Best Of Neat Records Second & Third Division Bands Now That All The Half Decent Ones Have Been Snaffled Up By Major Labels, Damn Them All To Hell” wouldn’t have been nearly as snappy.
Things start off with one of the better second division bands, in the shape of Persian Risk.
To be fair, it wasn’t all their fault they never quite cracked it. The Tygers Of Pan Tang nicked their original vocalist, then after their Neat debut, guitarist Phil Campbell (pictured above, yes, really) buggered off to Motorhead. Which meant by the time this emerged, the only original member left was their bass player. Singer Carl Sentance is still going strong, having gone on to work with Geezer Butler, Tokyo Rose, Krokus, Don Airey, Phil Chapman and more.
Next up is Marseille. I bought this single when it came out, as a limited edition silver disc. Of course, it never actually seemed to appear on a normal disc, as the five people who bought into their US style melodic hard rock all got the “limited” one. I still think this is quite good, even though they were a bunch of chancers who’d been on the go since the mid-seventies (and released records on the same record label as Nazareth), and were just pretendy NWOBHMers. Here are some actual facts. They were originally called AC/DC until the Aussie lot came along. Their guitarist, Neil Buchanan, is the same Neil Buchanan who presented kiddies TV show “Art Attack”! They reformed last year with a new singer and are recording and touring again, although I last saw them supporting Whitesnake in 1979. Gulp.
This installment comes to an end with Stratus. Now if I tell you that Stratus were a NWOBHM supergroup, don’t worry. You haven’t had an aneurysm. The band featured Praying Mantis members, Tino Troy, Bernie Shaw (now with Uriah Heep), Chris Troy and Iron Maiden drummer Clive Burr.
Originally known as Clive Burr’s Escape, they only released one album, “Throwing Shapes”, before everyone realised that the Americans did AOR much better, and that a production budget of thruppence was unlikely to worry Journey. I have the album filed away somewhere, so be worried. However, this is a non-album treat!
Part 2, when it arrives, will restore the metal with entries from Warfare and Jaguar. As well as the shining stars of the UK AOR firmament, Emerson! That last bit might be a lie, if my memories of their headlining show in Embra abck in 1983 is anything to go by.
And so, here we are, at the end of the Lovely Lenka Request Zone, which brought you the all-singing*, all-dancing** Avatar heavies that were Chevy.
Fact – Guitarist Steve Walwyn went on to play with Stevie Marriott, Eddie and the Hotrods, Roger Chapman, the Big Town Playboys and Dr. Feelgood.
Remember the instruction;
Download each track.
Copy the images to the same location.
Burn all the tracks to CD.
Print off a CD case sized copy of the pictures.
Put everything into a CD case.
Get Ready To Rock with Hereward Radio, as the mighty Saxon team up with Excalibur for five pounds worth of Friday night fun in Peterborough.
Who’d have thought that nineteen years down the line, that Saxon would be back playing proper sized, packed out venues, eh? It didn’t look like it down Peterborough way in 1990. I was there, by the way, as in them days you could get on the sleeper back up to Embra about half past midnight in Peterborough, chug along for twenty minutes, then stop in a siding in Watford for about three hours.
I was very, very drunk, and may have done my bit to live down to the internationtal stereotypical Scotchman. Saxon didn’t seem very happy either, as they bludgeoned their way through a half heartet set to a half empty room of pissed nonces. I’m glad they’ve dragged themselves back up the ladder, as they were the first heavy metal band I ever saw, supporting Motorhead at the Edinburgh Odeon in nineteen mumblety mumble. And they still rocked a couple of months ago at the ABC in Glasgow, despite Doro making a brave effort to steal their heavy metal thunder.
Looks like a fun Saturday was had by all at the Racecourse ground in Wrexham with Motorhead, Tank, Budgie, Raven, Orion, Twisted Sister, Rampant Antics and The Moon. Tickets were a whole £6.50!
Mind you, not even that lot would persuade me to go to Wales, a nation that, frankly, shouldn’t exist. Caterwauling dwarves with few redeeming features. I’ll excuse seventies freaks Man and, of course, the mighty Budgie but apart from that, it really should be paved over, and used as an overspill car park for the Midlands.
I would like to point out that my opinion is in no way influenced by me getting hit on by a gay waiter in a Mexican restaurant in Llandudno (or however you spell the bloody stupid name) back in the early nineties. It also confirms the stupidity of the Welsh, even the homosexualist ones, because it was my wedding anniversary, and I was out with my wife.
So, even if I’d been partial to a fudge doughnut, it was neither the time nor the place.
Well, were you dahn in ‘Ackney for the Motorhead gig? I don’t know if I was, as Hackney has far too many distractions for a man of my moral weaknesses.
I still fondly recall the day I walked into a pub to find an attractive young blonde girl disrobing with great abandonment to the strains of ‘She’s Got Balls’ by AC/DC. She didn’t. The name of the pub? The Spreadeagle! Life doesn’t get much better than that.
And then there were the many (many) evenings spent in Browns, leaning against the stage, with a ready supply of pound coins for the pint glass, and an always handy coke dealer. Ah, those were the days. So, even if I had made to Hackney on the same day as Motorhead, Saxon, Angelwitch, Spider, Sleek, T34 and the Lightning Raiders, the chances of me getting to the show would have been slim in the extreme.
However, here are no less than three versions of ‘Ace Of Spades’ for your listening pleasure.
Well, you’ve waited long enough, so prepare yourself as I unveil, in order of appearance, the lineup for this years Death Disco.
And they were;
1. Krokus – Long Stick Goes Boom
2. April Wine – Weeping Widow
3. Sad Cafe – My Oh My
4. The Commodores vs. Lil’ Kim – Brick House
5. Trace Adkins – Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
6. Ted Nugent – Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
7. The Chi-Lites – Are You My Woman
8. Atomic Rooster – Stand By Me
9. Amon Amarth – Guardians Of Asgard
10. Tiamat – Brighter Than The Sun
11. Wet Willie – Baby Fat
12. Desmond Child – Love On A Rooftop
13. Motorhead – Hellraiser
14. Vinnie Vincent Invasion – Shoot U Full Of Love
15. Autograph – Turn Up The Radio
16. Angel – The Tower
17. The Meads Of Asphodel – Assault And Battery
18. Monster Magnet – Bummer
19. Hawkwind – Spirit Of The Age
And now, here are the same songs, in order of most downloads, the DD Charts.
1) Monster Magnet – Bummer
2) Ted Nugent – Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
3) Sad Cafe – My Oh My
4) Trace Adkins – Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
5) Tiamat – Brighter Than The Sun
6) Angel – The Tower
7) Krokus – Long Stick Goes Boom
=) Wet Willie – Baby Fat
9) Hawkwind – Spirit Of The Age
=) Vinnie Vincent Invasion – Shoot U Full Of Love
11) April Wine – Weeping Widow
= ) The Commodores vs. Lil’ Kim – Brick House
= ) Atomic Rooster – Stand By Me
14) Autograph – Turn Up The Radio
15) Motorhead – Hellraiser
16) The Meads Of Asphodel – Assault And Battery
17) Amon Amarth – Guardians Of Asgard
18) The Chi-Lites – Are You My Woman
19) Desmond Child – Love On A Rooftop
So what does this say about the readership here at GHMI? It says you’re a bunch of mucky beggars, and that I’m ashamed of you. Why? Because 2 of the top 3 had pictograms of nekkid ladies bits, and the third had the word poontang. Filthmongers, the lot of you. Should you wish an explanation of any of the clues, now that the bands and songs have been revealed, feel free to ask. But I might just call you an idiot, so it’s your call.
Yup, Christmas is quite literally inches away, bringing with it tidings of co-omfort and joy. Of course, it also brings us to the end of the GHMI Christmas Goodies Giveaway Thingumyjig.
But we’re going out in style, for today, Christmas Eve, marks the birthday of the second most famous Christmas baby of them all, a prophet who also spent years in the wilderness, while lesser mortals poo-poohed him. But I was a true believer back in ‘79 and remain a true believer today.
It annoys me that there are still people out there failing to pay suitable fealty to the greatest rock and roller of them all. Our Lord Lemmy. But there’s still time, while he still walks among us. It can’t be long before he’s called back to the Metal Valhalla, so don’t delay.
This year, our Lord Lemmy has reached down to Christmas, and given of Himself. Truly, he has teamed up with the Archangel Gibbons from the Church of ZZ Top, and bestowed a Chuck Berry classic upon us.
Wacka Wacka Week has been called off, as I finally got round to listing the requests left while the Mr H Glee Club was off on tour.
It seems appropriate to visit Motorhead in this, the week that sees the release of their 24th studio album, “Motorizer”. We’ll be paying particular attention to the affectionally named Shite Years, with some gems from the Motorhead back catalogue.
First some history. As everyone knows Motorhead mainman Lemmy, first entered the priesthood back in the 15th century. However, come 1492, he found his faith no longer sustained him, and torn between joining Christopher Columbus on a naval expedition or linking up with an extreme religions sect, he chose the latter.
His adventures with the Mighty Hawkwind are for another time and place, but safe to say he wouldn’t be the man he is today without them. Deciding to form his own cult, he launched the Royal & Ancient Fellowship Of The Bastards back in 1875. However, no-one seemed interested until he renamed the sect after a Mighty Hawkwind song. And, lo, Motorhead was born. Listen to the Dave Edmunds produced version of the song here.
For several years, they could do no wrong, winning followers from across the world, drawn to their charismatic three chord rock and roll, culminating in a mass meeting in Newcastle, which was released as the No 1 album, “No Sleep Till Hammersmith” (eh?). However, like many preachers before him, the Lemster was drawn towards the dark side, with temptations thrust his every which way. His loins and his lusts betrayed him. However, he kept this secret from his flock with only the lacklustre “Iron Fist” album giving an indication of the torment in his soul. Listen to a “rare” [koff] 2002 live version of the title track here
But then it all came out. His chief acolyte, Cardinal “Fast Eddie” Clarke took orders with Pete Way after the truth about Lemmy came to public light. He had lost his virginity to a mad colonial transgender punk called Wendy O Williams. A secret recording of their coupling was released on vinyl to the horror of the Motorhead legions. “Stand By Your Man” is here.
The B-side was even worse (here) and the new Cardinal was revealed as a tutu wearing, ginger Scotchman. All was lost. The dark forces had won.
However, the Lemster knew that he had to put the needs of the many before his own carnal lusts. And so it was, that with the aid of a Saxon, a Welshman and Worzel Gummidge he put the church of Motorhead back together. Although it was a temporary union, the resulting “Killed By Death” (here) was the first indication that his true destiny as our Lord Lemmy would be fulfilled.
The masses may have abandoned the Church of Motorhead, but we believers still harken to the old, true ways.
Back in the days of mystery, there was only one musical lifeforce on the plane of existence we know as our own. Music was in the hands of the Lords of the Hawk, and their word was the word of the law. And it was good. But forces of evil were abroad, who wanted the music for their own nefarious ends. The sorcerer warlords of Lemuria and Pan Tang were eternal enemies, but they combined their forces to strike at the heart of the Lords of the Hawk.
But the Hawklords were strong and battled hard. After each side was spent, no-one noticed the small wart like object left behind on the battlefield. But the Lords of Chaos saw, and imbued the object with mystical powers, giving it the shape of man. But, as Lords of Chaos, they could not fully simulate mankind, instead an amalgam of man and Chaos stalked the Earth. And his name was Lemmy.
With his small band of warriors, the Motorhead, Lemmy stalked the world, an unassailable rock and roll warrior. And again, the sorcerer warlords of Lemuria and Pan Tang gre jealous and tried to steal his power. The Lemurians stole his seed and recreated life forms in their laboratories of terror. But they had unwittingly arrived too early, and his seed was not pure. And they begat Girlschool, 90% female. So it was left to the sorcerer warlords of Pan Tang to clone the Motorhead in male form. And they begat TANK.
It wasn’t a perfect clone. The Lemster was 50% rock, 40% rock and roll, 10% punk. Their version, Algy, had too much punk in his blood. They also mixed up the test tubes containing Philthy Animal and Fast Eddie, resulting in the twin combination of the Brabb Brothers. Still, the sorcerer warlords let them loose upon the world, capturing the real Fast Eddie after a heated battle, forcing him to toil on their ‘Filth Hounds Of Hades’ release. And, lo, it was good, though tragically out of print. Steal “He Fell In Love With A Stormtrooper” here.
But the world did not fall at their feet. So, in a moment of genius, the sorcerer warlords fused the TANK with the OSMONDS to give the world “Crazy Horses”. Or “Kerrazy Hoarses”, as Algy would have it. You can steal it here. The world teetered on the edge of oblivion, as it seemed the world would become the plaything of the sorcerer warlords. But the Lords of Chaos and Order rallied together, to put down the upstarts, sending Algy to metal mundanity, one half of the Brabbs to oblivion, and the other Brabb to Dumpys Rusty Nuts.
But today, in darkened rooms, with curtains drawn, their scattered followers still gather to recall the days of the TANK. And dance to the “Filth Bitch Boogie“.
The only Tank album in print is Live And Rare*, so you can get that here. Otherwise, off to Ebay wih you. Buy “Liva And Rare from Amazon
The 1983 version of Tank on Children’s TV show ‘Jangles’
*comprising nine tracks from the band’s 1981 tour supporting MOTÖRHEAD, four 1981 studio demos, two songs from TANK’s 1984 tour with METALLICA and two live tracks recorded in 1999 in Japan.
/This%20Machine%20Kills/This%20Machine%20Kills.jpg)
